In the metaphysical and spiritual circles, we hear these phrases often enough, especially when someone is desiring to share a part of themselves or their life experiences with the intention to, hopefully, inspire, uplift and encourage other people but isn’t quite sure how to.
Often we have a hard time trusting our emotions, and intuition, which is our inner guidance systems. When we become aware of our IGS and allow ourselves to be to be led and guided to speak from that inner place of deep knowing, where truth and power reside in the Divine spark of light within us, our authentic self is in full flow.
The act of stepping into our power, standing in truth is awe-inspiring and incredibly empowering.
So how do we do it and what does it mean to “Step into your power” or “Stand in your truth”?
I’m sure other people will have other ideas about these expressions and what they mean for them, and that’s cool. What it means for me, however, is that when we are being our authentic selves, (that’s another term we hear too, the “authentic self“) we have, in fact, already stepped into our power, and we are standing in our truth.
Truth and power exist within each other.
When you are embodying your authentic self, there is no way that you cannot have stepped into your power, and here is where you’ll stand in your truth.
The power and the actual truth of who you really are is your realization, it is your awakening of higher Self and the bringing of radiant and powerful light to shadows.
In these moments, when you stand there, in your power, and in your truth, you are the embodiment of the Light of the Divine Source.
This is what I was sharing with you in the previous post, “The Big Lie Revealed.” If you haven’t checked that out, I invite you to do that now.
The Proof Is In Your Faith
Ever notice that when we come from this place of power and truth, this place of authenticity, we are successful in whatever our intentions are in these moments of realization? Whether we wish to be fully heard, or we are trying to manifest something, whatever it is, when we come from this place, this holy place of higher Self, we do not fail!
Failure doesn’t exist in the realm of the Divine.
“With God, all things are possible.” ~Matthew 19:26
God within our being. The light, the truth, the beauty, and the justice. The love, and the power to do, to be, and to have. We must always strive to remember that when we are declaring, “I am stepping into my power, and stand in my truth.” we are actually calling on that Divine, cosmic intelligence inside ourselves, asking it to awaken and come forth and help us create anything we want or our heart’s desire.
For what else would your power be other than the God that is the Universe that you were born part of?
We are born full of light, innocence, beauty and unlimited potential. Something happens along the way as we grow. We become conditioned, or as Don Miguel Ruiz would call, “domesticated”, being indoctrinated into other people’s false beliefs (lies) about who and what we are, whether that be by our parents’ religious ideas, cultural traditions, and societal influence.
It’s all lies.
We grow up believing the lies.
We struggle with them, falsely believing them as truths, even as it aches at our very core of being because it’s so out of alignment with the truth of who and what we really are.
We become teenagers who rebel. We do this in an attempt to break-away from what our parents, society, and culture have spoon fed us from birth, from religion to traditions of our people, to try and figure out who we really are. Most often then it’s still a failed attempt.
We still take with us the lies. Our rebellion, though unbeknownst to us, is now deciding which lies we’ll believe and which ones we won’t.
But they are, like it or not, still lies all the same.
We think we know ourselves.
But in truth, all we know is what we’ve been taught. We know how we’re supposed to act and who we are supposed to be. We haven’t known anything else to know that we aren’t free.
We become adults rebelling against our highest selves, our truest nature, denying that we have the right to be happy, joyful, healthy, prosperous and abundant.
That is all for other people, not us.
Instead, we believe that we’re just filthy sinners, unworthy of all these wonderful things life has to offer.
Even if we’re not conscious of this, our actions or in-action show otherwise.
During many periods of our lifetime, we may experience severe depression, anxiety and have this inner-conflict of knowing that something just isn’t quite right. We are searching for purpose, for beauty, for truth and justice and sense of being in the world but we don’t know what that is, nor do we understand that we ALREADY have all of that within us because we’ve never known anything but what we were taught which blinds us from the truth of being fully us.
We weren’t born separate from God. This is the BIG LIE.
That amazing light that we are born with contains all the beauty, joy, and unlimited potential for our lives. It is the Divine Love and spark of God within us. It’s time to awaken to this magical truth and be who we really are.
The night that Hurricane Irma moved through here in south Florida, September 10th, and we had lost power, I sat reading on my kindle by the open window. I read a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer “In Spirit” in which he spoke of forgiveness and Immaculee Ilibagiza, calling her a living Saint. I had previously bought a book by Immaculee, “Left to Tell“, for my kindle but I hadn’t read it yet. I had read some of it earlier after watching “The Power of the Heart”, but this time I was re-introduced to her story of survival through the 1994 Rwandan Genocide through “In Spirit” as I previously mentioned. I must admit here and now that I’m so moved by the story of Immaculee Ilibagiza that every time I say her name my eyes well up with tears.
If you’re not familiar with Immaculee, I suggest you read her story or watch a few videos on YouTube of her talking about it. If you’ve watched the movie, “The Power of the Heart”, her story is there as well. If you haven’t watched the movie, I suggest you do so, not just for Immaculee’s story, but for the beautiful and powerful messages contained in the movie.
Immaculee Ilibagiza was in hiding for 91 days with 7 other women in a tiny little secret bathroom (who has secret bathrooms?!) at a pastor’s home. These women hid for their lives as the Hutu people (9 million pop.) hunted the Tutsi people (1 million) and slaughtered them by the masses with machetes. In the end, 800 thousand Tutsi were murdered, including Immaculee’s mother and father and other members of her family. Immaculee survived and came out weighing 65 pounds! She was 5’9!
I can’t even begin to imagine the utter and sheer horror these women faced daily in a tiny bathroom, where they could not make a sound for fear the people in the house would know of their existence. Horrific. But what touched me the most, and what CHALLENGED me (and still does) is after everything she had to suffer and endure, for 91 days in hiding in a tiny bathroom with 7 other women, unbathed ,and nearly starved, was her resolve to FORGIVE the people, the Hutu people who would have seen her dead if they’d have found her! To FORGIVE the Hutu for killing her parents and other family and so many of her people! To FORGIVE them …
” for they know not what they do.”
In that tiny bathroom, Immaculee learned how to be One with the God she wholeheartedly believes in. She learned to see with and through those eyes to find the power from that FORGIVENESS to move on with her life. I sobbed.
I broke down.
I wept so many tears.
As I read Immaculee’s words, I felt such power moving through me, so much so I clenched my heart. I felt the pain of my own soul crying out. I heard myself asking out loud, “Why do we here have so much hatred for each other?” From today’s issues of White Supremacy to trans-issues (the trans-women who are boldly proclaiming it’s OK to act out violently against women who don’t agree with them!), from religious beliefs to sexual orientation, to class and culture, from gender identification to XXX …
Even deep hatred for our own selves.
The hatred seems to know no bounds in the world today. Especially right here in our hearts. This is where it starts. This is where it can stop. It begins with us taking stock, owning up and understanding this truth.
Inspired by Immaculee Ilibagiza’s story of her survival through the Rwandan genocide and her incredible divine power to transform life through forgiveness, I’ve created for myself a journal called “I Forgive”.
If Immaculee Ilibagiza can forgive the people who MURDERED her own parents, surely I can forgive those experiences and people in my life I feel have “done me wrong”, or hurt me in my past from as far back as I can remember, to those I’ve allowed to hurt me in the present day.
I don’t need to hold that anger, ugliness, and pain in my heart. I am only destroying parts of my own heart and denying myself the happiness, joy, health, wealth, and abundance I rightfully deserve, that all human beings deserve.
I’ve done a lot of personal work and letting go over the years but what I’ve come to understand it’s not a “one-time” deal. We can only let go of so much at one time before it loses its meaning and power to “let go”. We can not say, “I let go and forgive everything ever wronged to me” … no, it’s too vague and lacks the power that forgiveness actually has.
We need to be specific.
That’s the hard part, but once named and written, we CAN Forgive it and let it go.
Dare I say it?
“Yes, we can!”
I was surprised at my first entry:
” I forgive my mom for not being the kind of mother to me everyone else had growing up. I forgive her for being sick and being unable to care for me and raise me. I forgive her for sending me to Ohio to be raised by her mother and father.”
I was shocked that when I put the pen to paper those were the first things to come up for me. I was always so close to my mom when she was alive. But apparently, this was something deep within. It was real. Parts of self, my little girl self, had a voice and those were her words. I ended each section (dealing with a person or event & experience) with:
“My Power to Forgive is not a pardon, nor does it extend excuse to what wrong I perceive was done to me. My Power to Forgive is an acknowledgment that the fate of the condition of my own mind, heart, and soul is in my hands. I recognize that I wield the sword of power to Love or Hate and hold it in my whole being. What I choose transforms the Sword I wield and the state of my being and so I choose Forgiveness. I choose to set myself free. I choose transformation and happiness through the power of Forgiveness which is Love. “
This is what feels right for me.
So far I’ve written up from my childhood to my teen years, my toxic marriage to my abusive ex-husband, Chris, who is, to this day, in total and absolute denial of any wrongdoing on his or his family’s part and blames me for everything as if he wasn’t there and involved at all.
Still, I’ve forgiven him.
And I’m working daily on the part where I send him nothing but love. Right now I send simply nothing but nothing. However, I have forgiven him. I want to get to a place where I can actually send love. Even if he doesn’t know it, I will know it. But that time is not yet.
To be honest, I am sure I will write, “I forgive Chris for xxx” several more times to come as I’m sure I will with many things. But those things once visited will be forgiven, cleansed and never spoken of again.
I’ve written about my children who, as any parent is likely to know, will take you through it as they grow. Although it may be part of their natural process of transitioning from child to teenager, and often through the early ages of adulthood, it can be quite painful and agonizing.
I have forgiven them.
I’ve written about friendships I’ve let go of this year, friendships that weren’t serving my highest purpose at all. One friend whom I called my sister, a priestess I initiated into the mysteries of women and Goddess, seemed to be only a taker. All she did was take from me, never offering anything in return. She learned from me as I offered freely wisdom teachings, spiritual counsel, etc. and she gave nothing in return. Not even the courage to speak up and stand in her truth when she felt something was wrong, but instead cowardly walk away, saying nothing.
I have forgiven her.
I let it go. Moving on into the pure blissful flow.
Because that’s what Forgiveness does.
I allow whatever comes through and up asking for forgiveness. It’s amazing because as I’ve said before, I’ve done so much personal work and “forgiveness” I thought I was done. We’re never done. This is ongoing. This is the “Forgiveness Confessional” and should be done daily or at the very least, weekly. I’ve just recently started to write about myself.
This is tough.
I’m forced to look into the mirror of my soul, the things I am seeing there I do not like. They are ugly, and they are painful. Yet, it’s these very things that I’ve held onto so tightly.
Yet, it’s these very things that I’m holding onto with a death grip as if I can’t let go of them.
But I can. And I will. And I am.
And I will. And I am.
And I am.
I am struggling with it. I feel much resistance to writing certain things that I need forgiveness from my Self for. It’s not for fear if anyone sees, but having to look directly into it, that mirror of my own soul. It’s not about being unable to admit the wrongs I’ve done to other people, which have been plenty. Not that I’m proud of that, but I own it.
For me, it’s admitting what I’ve done to my Self.
Having to sit with a pen to paper and writing out those thoughts, those memories; confessing the horrible sins I’ve done to my own self has been the most difficult. Dealing with simply having to admit my wrong in the first place, the wrong I’ve held onto to punish myself for in a myriad of ways, even unconsciously.
But again I remember I have the Power to Forgive, even myself and most importantly myself! And I’m admitting, I’m writing, and I’m forgiving…
The Power of Forgiveness Isn’t For The Weak
If you say you “can’t forgive xxx” then it’s because you choose not to. Like it or not, it’s that simple.
Remember Immaculee Ilibagiza, who forgave the Hutu people who carried out a mass genocide of her people, the Tutsi in Rwanda. Immaculee found the power to Forgive even those individuals who murdered her family and forced her into hiding in a tiny bathroom 7 other women for 91 days with barely enough room to stand.
It is untrue to say you “can’t forgive” because you can. It’s that you instead “won’t forgive” and willingly choose to hold on to that pain, that anger, that hatred, and allow it to eat pieces of your heart and soul up inside.
You have that right.
You have free will.
No one will take it from you but you’d better own that choice.
If you make the choice to be unforgiving and hold on to your pain, your anger, and your hatred, then you should understand fully that you don’t have the right to blame anyone else for your unhappiness but yourself.
It’s yours by choice.
I would just ask that you really think about the immense power of Forgiveness that is in your hands. You hold it, the Power of it is yours. That Power determines the fate of the condition of your heart, mind, and soul.
“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” -Mother Teresa
I think of her this morning and her wise response as I think about all those going through turmoil wishing to fight against this or that or something else. While I have an empathetic heart, I can’t help but think that if we “fight against” something, all that will do will draw more energy towards that something no matter what it is and that thing will only grow bigger and stronger because of it.
If we really want to see change, then we must “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” -Mahatama Gandhi. Powerful.
What kind of fighting style is this you ask?
“You can call it the art of fighting without fighting.” -Bruce Lee
Enter the Dragon, 1973
Seriously, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. People have such issues with the word power it’s almost taboo to say, “I am a powerful being.” I suppose it’s all a matter of perception, and how the word power makes you feel because of that perception. I’ve never been afraid of that word or intimidated by it to soften it up by having to say, “I am an empowered woman.” No, I like to say that:
“I am a powerful woman.”
” I have the power to create the life I want to live.”
” I have the power to bring my deepest, most passionate desires into being in the here and now.”
It’s true, at this point in my life, I am stepping into my power, and I feel it flowing through me. What a delicious feeling it is to be standing in this place of power that is mine, and to feel it pulsating through me, and knowing that I hold this power to do and achieve anything I desire with all my heart. I am coming into realizing how powerful I really am, and how much more I can be.
Power is nothing but unrealized potential and raw energy and remains so until you tap into it. Then it becomes active, and used properly can help you achieve whatever your heart desires. It’s such a simple concept, too simple I think, and remains hidden in a cloak of simplicity from those not ready to step into their place of power, and receive it.
I remember at one point I didn’t have much of it, and what I did have I gave away to other people. I was too young, too naive, and scared to stand up in my power, speak my truth. In fact, I didn’t have a truth to speak because I felt I had no place, therefore was I was ignorantly powerless.
Even when I was having my first daughter at the tender age of 18, I was told by her father’s mother to name my baby Jessica. I hated that name as for as far back as I could remember. Jessica. I thought what an ugly name! I hated it. But her father’s mother, a pretty powerful woman in her own right, used her power over me because of course, I let her. I let her because I didn’t recognize I had power of my own and thus, I caved and named my first-born Jessica.
She thought she was in control to the point of even when I went into the nursery to see my baby girl for one of first times I could get out of bed on my own, she tried to prevent me from being near her. Jessica was in one of those incubators where you could put your hands inside to touch her. As I reached in to touch my daughter that I’d given birth too just hours earlier, her grandmother stood over me and in front of all of my friends who were also there to see me and my new-born baby girl, swatted my hand away, telling me to “Leave her alone, let her sleep!”
That’s when what little power in the guise of a “fuck you” out of embarrassment and rebellion inside of me took over and told her to “Back off, I’ll touch MY baby if I want to”. Her interference with my oldest daughter from literally before she was even out of the womb has had a major impact on the relationship between Jessica and I. Over the years I felt powerless to do too much of anything but rebel in a negative fashion which wasn’t healthy for neither my daughter or myself.
But as they say, “That was then, this is now”.
Things are much different. I know what I think I am even though I’m so much more than my mind can fathom. I know that within me, within my Soul is the essence of the Divine Spirit, and that is pure power. For me, that power is Love, the most powerful of all. The Only Power.
Therefore all things that come from it are good.
When I think of power, I think of that Force that once tapped into allows me to stand in it, filling with me with the awareness that I am truly the one who is making my own choices, whether it’s to be miserable, sad, and poverty minded therefore being all those things. Knowing that I have, unconsciously, made those previous choices many times over that left me unhappy, unhealthy, miserable and financially poor.
I now make the conscious and deliberate choice to be happy, to be filled with a sense of joy, and ecstasy, to be of a pure blissful mind with the realization is that what is, has already been created–I am no “co-creator” as I’ve created nothing. Rather, I choose to align myself with that specific vibration, to be in a place to receive health, happiness, joy, and experience the bliss of great financial abundance–that is my right. That is the power of my choice, that is my gift, my gift of choice. My awareness of that fact is power.
From that Power that is Love, all things that come from it are good.
This song I’ve posted with lyrics, “More Love, More Power” by Jeff Deyo is a song that really gets to the heart of me. At its heart, it is a Christian song. Although I do not identify as a Christian, I honor, and respect the teachings of Jesus and everything he symbolizes as much as Buddha, Goddess and any other mystic holy teacher. This song speaks so directly into my Soul, of who I am and what I want and need in my life.
More Love, More Power.
Many times I listen to this song I am filled with such overwhelming emotion I cry. I just let the tears flow out. I don’t just hear music but I feel the intensity of it. I don’t just hear the words, I absorb them, take them into myself like a sponge because these are the affirmations of my world at any given moment. He writes, “More Love, More Power, More of You In My Life”
For Jeff Deyo, that is Jesus. Jesus is Love, Jesus is the Power. For me, it’s Love, it’s Power they are one in the same and everything good and right. This is my Soul’s affirmations in song. I hope you enjoy it as well.
This actually started out this morning as a just one of those lengthier type of Facebook status updates. Instead, I kept writing, and writing. I decided it was best shared here instead, which of course will still be shared on Facebook as well. Just not like I originally intended. ~
Here’s what I don’t understand, we can’t even talk about obesity without people getting upset, claiming “Fat Shaming” and if we can’t talk about the real issues without being shut down the moment we start talking them, then we will never be able to deal with any of them.
As many may now know, I’ve decided to get certified as a health and nutrition coach not only to help other people but to help my SELF. Once upon a time, like many of us, I was in tip-top physical shape, a “smokin’ hot body” if I say so myself. There’s some on this list who knew me when and can verify that is true. Over the years, children, busy lifestyle, depression, divorce, and whatever else real-but-still-excuse- I let get in the way, I gained a significant amount of weight.
At one point I was diagnosed with metabolic syndrome some years back, and still I did nothing. I hid from my friends who knew me ‘back-in-the-day” for I knew they’d be shocked at how I looked. I didn’t do much of anything anymore but take care of my girls all the while getting unhealthier by the day.
It wasn’t until something incredible happened in 2012 that I decided to reclaim the life that was mine. I wanted to live a long, healthy life, and be there for my daughters, my granddaughters (I just assume they will be girls too) and their children. I wanted to enjoy life and everything it has to offer. I started a diet and exercise routine, started losing weight and suddenly developed stomach issues. I lost a considerable amount of weight then due to both the diet, exercise and of course the stomach issues that eventually landed me in the hospital having surgery in May of 2012.
Since then it’s been an off and on type of relationship. I’ve made friends with my self, and my body but I realize now I didn’t quite fall desperately-in-love with myself and my body like I should have. So I treated my Self and my body like the good friend you see every now and again; the kind that you don’t have to see or talk often but when you do, it’s like nothing ever changed? Yes, I treated my Self and my body like that.
What I’ve learned is that you can do that with real friends in other bodies, but you can not do that to your self. It’s no good, not very healthy.
I did gain some weight back, then lost it again and then started a short cycle of up a few pounds and then down a few pounds, and all the while getting upset, and frustrated with my body in the process, and like the friend you start to avoid because they are getting on your nerves always complaining about this, or whining about that, I started to avoid my Self, and my body.
Sure, I tried to live the healthy-ish lifestyle, and I did the main things, like eat, sleep and shower. I even kept up my beautifying routine, which brings me to yet another point:
One of my daughters said to me about why I look younger than I actually am, “Mommy, you look so young because you take damn good care, almost obsessive care of your skin naturally and it shows.”
I thought to myself how true that statement was and yet, why did I only stop at my skin? Certainly, that’s not the only reason my skin looks good. There’s environmental factors, genetics, I’m a non-smoker, I drink lots of water, yeah…I feed my skin good stuff, nothing but the best naturally.
Wow. Only my skin?! What the hell is wrong with me?! Here I am obsessing over having healthy looking skin but I wasn’t bothered with making the effort to be healthy in my physical body! Why didn’t I put forth just as much effort in my overall health, and not just focused on my awesome skin care routine?!
Why?! I like having fabulous, youthful looking skin. You’d think I’d want the healthy body to go with that. But something inside of me was sabotaging my efforts to my good health journey, and sadly, apparently it didn’t take much. My focus remained on how to have healthier, more youthful, glowing skin.
No, I’m not interested in looking 21, that’s not the goal. Ironically, my goal was to be a vibrant, radiant, healthy looking woman whatever my age. Yes, that’s right, my goal was to look vibrant, radiant and healthy, without, apparently, actually being healthy.
How oxymoronic is that?
Fat In Florida:
After I moved into my father’s house is when I felt the worst. You can read more about that experience here in the 8 Pearls Of Light That Guided Me Through Hell post. I didn’t exercise, I didn’t yoga anymore, I didn’t even walk. My weight was an issue they liked to talk about, to humiliate me to bring me down, even though they are fat slobs themselves.
I gained a few pounds as if out of rebellion to say, “Eff you! You don’t control my life, and damn sure not my weight.” How stupid was that? Here I was sabotaging my health because my father and is wife are idiots. This is a perfect example of how moving from an ego-centered place will get you screwed every time. And a fatter ass.
After we moved out, and into our place where we are, I needed time to decompress. I still didn’t jump back-into the weight-loss and healthy-ish lifestyle I was mostly-kind- of-trying to live back in Ohio. I went to work, and have been slowly making our condo our place again.
We’ve now officially been here over 2 months, and I’ve started to find my groove again. Before I left Ohio, a big issue for me then was, “What am I going to do with my life when I grow up?” “What is my calling?” I knew I didn’t want to work in the medical field doing what I do for the rest of my life. Yet, I knew that my calling is to be of service to people, and community. Once I started to settle in here at the condo a bit more, with all of the tension previous months at my father’s house being dissolved into nothingness, these questions were now at the forefront of my mind, and heart once more.
I don’t remember the definitive moment if there was one where I decided enough is enough, and I have to do something. But something indeed happened to me. In a moment of pure, and divine stillness, everything changed. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, what I needed to do, what I was called to do, and I decided right then and there to do it with the same passion, love and excitement I’d do for my loved ones, for my best friend to make their life more comfortable, happy and complete.
I decided to be my own Best Friend. To not only love my Self fearlessly, and courageously despite having ignored my Self for so long, but also to fall IN- Love with my Best Friend, my Self–and I’m falling, deeper and deeper with every day that passed by.
I wanted to do anything, and everything I could for my Best Friend, to show her that I am truly sorry for the way I’ve treated her, the ONE person who’s been with me through every single thing I’ve ever gone through, the ONE person who’s had my back through thick and thin (pun intended); she is the ONE person who took the hit, no matter how hard, for every rotten and stupid choice I’ve ever made. I owed to her, my Best Friend, My Self, do whatever I could to make things right.
Where to start? That was easy. I knew I treated her skin good, so I needed to treat the rest of her good too. I have always been an advocate of natural medicine (rarely ever relying on the doctors and big pharma as I’m terrified of them; working in a hospital and seeing up close and personal what goes on makes me even more weary of the network), raw foods, herbs and supplements, using many almost religiously when sick, and for preventive means. Whatever I did had to be focused somewhere in health and wellness.
Then lightening struck.
I saw an add for Institute of Integrative Nutrition, and I wanted to check that out. The moment I clicked on the link for the website, talked to some graduates, I knew without a doubt, this was for me. The fact that I already have a life coaching background made this even better. This was how I was going to begin to repay my Best Friend, my own beautiful Self back for every poor health decision I ever made.
This is a GIFT of health I am giving to me, Aura, and to my Best Friend-Self because I’m worth it! I realized it’s also a gift I’ll be able to share, and give to other people on the journey to health, wellness and happiness.
So my question is this:
Is there going to be a problem when I’m sharing on the social networks/public platforms what I’m learning, changing and growing from? Is there going to be a problem out there with the sensitive people who might benefit from some of the information I might share, and accuse me of “fat shaming?”
I have no doubt there will be. And that’s simply too bad, and so sad. I’ll not take it personal because I know it’s about their own issues coming to the surface, and something they don’t want to look at. As I’ve already said, I’ve been there. Now I’m on the journey back to healthy, and will gladly share that journey with any one else who wants to walk it, run it, or bike it with me.
Being Fat, Overweight, and Obese isn’t Ugly! It’s just Unhealthy!
Recently, I read an article called, My wedding was perfect and I was fat as hell the whole time”. While I admit it was a beautiful read, and I’m so glad that the bride felt good in her own skin, as fat as she is (her words), really reading those words, having been where she is, I know that for the most part, women who say, “I’m fat and happy” are only superficially happy. I’ve been there, I’ve done that. Inside, deep inside, we are miserable, frustrated, and it’s not that we don’t want to get the weight off, it’s that we don’t know how. So instead, we opt for the in-your-face-I’m-fat-love-me-or-don’t-I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude.
But we do give a fuck. Deep down, we really do give a fuck.
Oh sure, everyone knows, “Eat less, move your body more burn more fat” –yes, we know this much. But what we have a difficult time doing is getting to the heart of the problem of the weight in first place. Most often, it is a deep rooted pain, and rejection of self on the deepest level, so deep we aren’t even consciously aware of it. So deep, we deny it and say, “Oh hell no, girlfriend, I love myself, every inch of my fat body.”
Lies. All Lies.
It’s a brutal and painful hurt, which is why it’s buried so deep. We don’t want to look at it. If we have to look at it, we have to deal with it. This, to me, is where the whole “fat acceptance” comes in to play.
It’s not about other people having to accept us because we might be fat. Floating pictures of fat women in revealing outfits followed by and supported with encouraging comments meant to boost the self-confidence only helps with the outer-self, the self esteem which is very important. Big women need to know they are beautiful, they are gorgeous as anyone else. And yet, still, no matter what, it all comes back to us accepting ourselves as we are.
This photo of a woman in her black leotard reads, “I’m not “pretty for a big girl”. I’m pretty period.”
Sure she is. She’s god damn gorgeous-as-she-is. It matters not if she’s a big girl in regard to being “pretty” or “gorgeous”. I see that it is the external where everyone’s focus seems to be, on whether or not a woman is beautiful, fat or not.
Of course she is.
To me the real questions are these:
Behind her physical beauty, is she healthy? What’s her heart look like? Is she at risk for other life-threatening diseases? And do we do more harm by ignoring the “fat issue” , pretending it doesn’t matter as long as the bigger woman feels attractive, and beautiful?
Fat acceptance starts with ourselves. It’s more than just accepting that, “Sure, yeah I know I’m a big girl/boy”. It’s beyond being stunningly gorgeous on the outside no matter what size you are. That’s external. It’s about the life-long haul; it’s finding the root cause, the emotional, mental and spiritual issue behind all of what’s causing us to hold on to the extra weight that will eventually lead to sickness, and other health issues that could lead to a host of other weight-related dis-eases that can cause early death. It is accepting who we are, and as fat as we are, and giving our fat self nothing but pure love. Real self-love, with the same kind of passion and intensity you’d give to another loved one. It’s the same kind, if not deeper, and stronger love we must give to our own Best Friend–Our Self.
When an overweight and/or obese person is accepted, and loved completely, fully from the self, only then can they begin to see real changes taking place in all aspects of their lives. Interesting enough, when most people fall in love one of the first things that often happens is they lose weight. Imagine falling in deep love with your Self…I’d imagine the weight of deep rooted pain, hurt, and shame carried around for years would begin to fall off, almost effortlessly. I can imagine that because it happened to me.
I remember the first time, many moons ago, I read that onions were sacred to the Egyptian Goddess Isis. My immediate thought was that an onion was an odd thing to be so sacred. However, as I grew in knowledge, and deeper wisdom unfolded, I began to see why the Ancient Egyptians likened the onion to Isis. Aside from its many healing properties from healing bee stings, insect bites, ridding of warts, corns, and other skin afflictions; curing disease, repelling evil curses, and protecting children from sickness, and to alleviate asthma, and other breathing issues as well as many other uses. It was also considered a symbol of the universe, and its multi-layered dimensions; one layer of existence revealing the next.
Today while shuffling my cards and my eye caught the statue of Isis on my altar. I drew “The Fool”. I put the other cards down, and looked at this card, which is from the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, and instantly I thought of the onion, and its many layers. It made me think deeply of the Tarot in general, readings, and my friends who read them.
I have many friends who read the Tarot, and yet I rarely have them read for me for several reasons. It isn’t because they aren’t good at reading the cards or haven’t mastered the concrete definitions of the cards but because one can not be told the mysteries of ones soul by another. We have all the answers we need within. It is said in may esoteric circles, that “We need only remember all that we have forgotten.” It is the Tarot readers responsibility to guide, and encourage the querent to the answers within using the Tarot as a tool, not to attempt to ‘tell’ anyone what their future holds or what is going on in their past or current situations.
A querent who is conscious of his or her own life affairs should certainly already know this much. Unfortunately, a lot of Tarot readers I know and have experience with, friends included, do not seem to get beyond the mastery level of fixed definitions, and therefore leave the layers of the Tarot card relatively unpeeled, so to speak, and deeper wisdom untapped.
Those who do the card a day reading, drawing one card, and then sharing their interpretation of the general meaning, and definition of the card. The problem with this is that, let’s say she might draw the Queen of Swords today, July 17th, 20015 and then again October 17th, 2015; both cards will have the same interpretation, and definition copy, pasted, and attached to it. Where’s the mystery in that? Sure, it might “hit home” for some, and be relevant on many levels but the reason for that is mostly likely because the mind gets busy trying to find itself in the prediction. So naturally picking out any card, and posting any interpretation is going to “hit home” for many. And later in the day, they will unconsciously make their actions fit the prediction of the day, and later say, “Oh my god, that was right on!”
Yes, maybe so, but it could have been so much better!
Here’s another example:
The last time I had a real bona fide reading was Samhain of 2012. Samhain is October 31st or astrologically celebrated November 7,8,or 9th depending on the year. At this particular time, it was November 7th. Samhain is a time when it’s said the veils between the world’s, the realm of the living, and of spirit are thinnest; when the ancestors can visit, and other ghostly beings too. It is a time we honor the dead, and celebrate the aspect of life we call death. It’s a powerful, mystical, magickal time. With all this thinning of the veils, and magick about from this realm into that of the mystical, all-knowing other side, certainly it was a good time for reading.
A dear Sis-star read for me, outside by the fire, and under the light of the full moon. I absolutely hated the reading. The emotional coloring was all off, and nothing about it made any sense whatsoever. The more she tried to literally define the cards, the worse it was. She was going through a personal transition in her life as well, and I felt at the time that might be adding to the over all color of my reading. Ultimately, by the end of this night, nothing was answered by Spirit. At least, not to my awareness.
I ended up carrying this reading with me into the world of dreams where it showed itself to me again as more of a revelation. Before I stepped out of bed I picked up the cell phone and text another soul sis-star of mine and shared with her my dream. She responded with, “Wow! What a powerful dream! What do you think it means?”
At that time, I didn’t know. But after talking to yet another soul sis-star of mine, who is an excellent guide, teacher. and friend, I was able to discover, and let unfold the ginormous picture; the over all message for my soul from my soul. So ultimately, in the end of all things, it was my sis-tars interpretation of the cards in my original reading for me that didn’t jell for me; the cards however, were right on the money.
This is because mysteries can not be told or shared. They must be experienced, and they reveal themselves to the student or seeker. This includes the Tarot as well. It is easy for even a skilled reader to project themselves into the reading even when they don’t believe they are and/or are trying to often reading, and picking up on what Self or spirit is trying to communicate to the reader vs what is necessary for the querent.
Another reason I rarely have others read for me is because I understand that I am the creator of my visions, my dreams, and I am the map maker of my future in the here, and now. I’ve been given all the tools I need to create my destiny. Having another attempt to read for me, which is actually trying to “tell” me what possibilities are in store for me does nothing to nurture my spiritual growth, and reliance on my own inner wisdom but in fact, if taken to heart, has the potential to throw me off my course.
An essential part of spiritual practice is understanding that it is a path of self exploration and discovery. It is learning how to trust the inner-wisdom that comes explicitly from the heart, and not outside sources of other telling us what is, and what is not, regardless of who it is they say they are, and what they do. The Divine speaks to all of us.
The Tarot is Like an Onion
Every card is like an onion, layered with such deep esoteric meaning just waiting to be discovered. While I think the basic associations are solid, such as, the suite of cups being related to the realm of water which is further associated with intuitive process, matters of the heart, and fluid movement, I do not think the cards themselves are repetitive. In other words, I do not think that what the nine of pentacles says today will be exactly what it will say tomorrow under different circumstances, and affected by different energies. To read in that fashion is to not to peel back any more layers of that beautiful onion, and reveal the deeper secrets, and mysteries that are waiting to be discovered.
Unfortunately, many of the readers I know and have come into contact with spend more time in their head over intellectualizing the cards, and their meanings interpreting them literally instead of allowing themselves to feel what the card is actually saying, which again goes back to them not peeling back the layers, and having deeper meaning revealed to them. “Those who have eyes, let them see.” Most notably from the bible but it has been said in many ways in different Ancient Mystery Schools.
In other words,those who haven’t surrendered the ego to Divine will not see the deeper mysteries of Tarot or of Spirit. The Tarot wisdom, as well as the Mysteries in general, is layered like an onion. Those who can not recognize this onion- like quality about the Tarot can not peel back layers of meaning, and reveal more truth underneath. They can not because they operate from their lower self or ego, and this is where their vibrations are concentrated.
Having the same old interpretation time, and time again reveals nothing new to the seeker, querent or even to the Self that is reading. It may be that it is a message the reader needs to hear again, and again because they haven’t quite integrated, absorbed, and put to practical use the message the first several times around, like having the same dream, night after night. They refuse to peel the layers of that mysterious onion back, or perhaps they don’t know how, and see deeper meanings there available to them. For these readers, despite, and because of their mastery of fixed interpretations of the tarot, their intuitive process with Tarot is highly limited.
Or maybe they just don’t like onions.
What it comes down is first understanding is that we all are standing at the edge of an ocean of limitless possibility therefore allowing us an infinite amount of choice in what we think, say and do. Secondly, understanding that with an infinite amount of choice comes equally an infinite amount of consequence, responsibility, and outcome. We can change our minds, and make different choices, hence a different outcome, at any time.
A skilled tarot reader can help predict the outcome of the particular pattern you have set course for your life based on the choices you are making at that time. A highly skilled, and intuitive reader is able look beyond the surface of the images, go far past the assigned definitions of the card, and gently peel back the onion-like layers mystery revealing deeper wisdom that can help you make the best possible choices in the right here and now that create a better outcome for your life.
In the end, remember, you have the power of choice, of unlimited choice no matter what you discover along the way. Ultimately, always follow the wisdom of your heart, not the interpretation of the reader, or the cards. Your heart only knows truth because it isn’t boggled down by intellect, nor does it filter the truth because what’s in the heart is true because the heart is truth. And that’s all you really want to know, isn’t it?
I invite you to comment below and tell me what you think?