The Big Lie Revealed


We are born full of light, innocence, beauty and unlimited potential. Something happens along the way as we grow. We become conditioned, or as Don Miguel Ruiz would call, “domesticated”, being indoctrinated into other people’s false beliefs (lies) about who and what we are, whether that be by our parents’ religious ideas, cultural traditions, and societal influence.

It’s all lies.

We grow up believing the lies.
We struggle with them, falsely believing them as truths, even as it aches at our very core of being because it’s so out of alignment with the truth of who and what we really are.

We become teenagers who rebel. We do this in an attempt to break-away from what our parents, society, and culture have spoon fed us from birth, from religion to traditions of our people, to try and figure out who we really are. Most often then it’s still a failed attempt.

We still take with us the lies. Our rebellion, though unbeknownst to us, is now deciding which lies we’ll believe and which ones we won’t.

But they are, like it or not, still lies all the same.

We think we know ourselves.

But in truth, all we know is what we’ve been taught. We know how we’re supposed to act and who we are supposed to be. We haven’t known anything else to know that we aren’t free.

We become adults rebelling against our highest selves, our truest nature, denying that we have the right to be happy, joyful, healthy, prosperous and abundant.

That is all for other people, not us.

Instead, we believe that we’re just filthy sinners, unworthy of all these wonderful things life has to offer.

Even if we’re not conscious of this, our actions or in-action show otherwise.

During many periods of our lifetime, we may experience severe depression, anxiety and have this inner-conflict of knowing that something just isn’t quite right. We are searching for purpose, for beauty, for truth and justice and sense of being in the world but we don’t know what that is, nor do we understand that we ALREADY have all of that within us because we’ve never known anything but what we were taught which blinds us from the truth of being fully us.

We weren’t born separate from God. This is the BIG LIE.

That amazing light that we are born with contains all the beauty, joy, and unlimited potential for our lives. It is the Divine Love and spark of God within us. It’s time to awaken to this magical truth and be who we really are.



More Love Is More Power




Seriously, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. People have such issues with the word power it’s almost taboo to say, “I am a powerful being.” I suppose it’s all a matter of perception, and how the word power makes you feel because of that perception. I’ve never been afraid of that word or intimidated by it to soften it up by having to say, “I am an empowered woman.” No, I like to say that:

“I am a powerful woman.”
” I have the power to create the life I want to live.”
” I have the power to bring my deepest, most passionate desires into being in the here and now.”images


It’s true, at this point in my life, I am stepping into my power, and I feel it flowing through me. What a delicious feeling it is to be standing in this place of power that is mine, and to feel it pulsating through me, and knowing that I hold this power to do and achieve anything I desire with all my heart. I am coming into realizing how powerful I really am, and how much more I can be.


Power is nothing but unrealized potential and raw energy and remains so until you tap into it. Then it becomes active, and used properly can help you achieve whatever your heart desires. It’s such a simple concept, too simple I think, and remains hidden in a cloak of simplicity from those not ready to step into their place of power, and receive it.


I remember at one point I didn’t have much of it, and what I did have I gave away to other people. I was too young, too naive, and scared to stand up in my power, speak my truth. In fact, I didn’t have a truth to speak because I felt I had no place, therefore was I was ignorantly powerless.

Even when I was having my first daughter at the tender age of 18, I was told by her father’s mother to name my baby Jessica. I hated that name as for as far back as I could remember. Jessica. I thought what an ugly name! I hated it. But her father’s mother, a pretty powerful woman in her own right, used her power over me because of course, I let her. I let her because I didn’t recognize I had power of my own and thus, I caved and named my first-born Jessica.


She thought she was in control to the point of even when I went into the nursery to see my baby girl for one of first times I could get out of bed on my own, she tried to prevent me from being near her. Jessica was in one of those incubators where you could put your hands inside to touch her. As I reached in to touch my daughter that I’d given birth too just hours earlier, her grandmother stood over me and in front of all of my friends who were also there to see me and my new-born baby girl, swatted my hand away, telling me to “Leave her alone, let her sleep!”


That’s when what little power in the guise of a “fuck you” out of embarrassment and rebellion inside of me took over and told her to “Back off, I’ll touch MY baby if I want to”. Her interference with my oldest daughter from literally before she was even out of the womb has had a major impact on the relationship between Jessica and I. Over the years I felt powerless to do too much of anything but rebel in a negative fashion which wasn’t healthy for neither my daughter or myself.

But as they say, “That was then, this is now”.

Things are much different. I know what I think I am even though I’m so much more than my mind can fathom. I know that within me, within my Soul is the essence of the Divine Spirit, and that is pure power. For me, that power is Love, the most powerful of all. The Only Power.

Therefore all things that come from it are good.

When I think of power, I think of that Force that once tapped into allows me to stand in it, filling with me with the awareness that I am truly the one who is making my own choices, whether it’s to be miserable, sad, and poverty minded therefore being all those things. Knowing that I have, unconsciously, made those previous choices many times over that left me unhappy, unhealthy, miserable and financially poor.Power


I now make the conscious and deliberate choice to be happy, to be filled with a sense of joy, and ecstasy, to be of a pure blissful mind with the realization is that what is, has already been created–I am no “co-creator” as I’ve created nothing. Rather, I choose to align myself with that specific vibration, to be in a place to receive health, happiness, joy, and experience the bliss of great financial abundance–that is my right. That is the power of my choice, that is my gift, my gift of choice. My awareness of that fact is power.

From that Power that is Love, all things that come from it are good.



This song I’ve posted with lyrics, “More Love, More Power” by Jeff Deyo is a song that really gets to the heart of me. At its heart, it is a Christian song. Although I do not identify as a Christian, I honor, and respect the teachings of Jesus and everything he symbolizes as much as Buddha, Goddess and any other mystic holy teacher. This song speaks so directly into my Soul, of who I am and what I want and need in my life.

More Love, More Power. 

Many times I listen to this song I am filled with such overwhelming emotion I cry. I just let the tears flow out. I don’t just hear music but I feel the intensity of it. I don’t just hear the words, I absorb them, take them into myself like a sponge because these are the affirmations of my world at any given moment. He writes, “More Love, More Power, More of You In My Life”

For Jeff Deyo, that is Jesus. Jesus is Love, Jesus is the Power. For me, it’s Love, it’s Power they are one in the same and everything good and right. This is my Soul’s affirmations in song. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Dreaming Tarot: Meeting The High Priestess

This was originally posted in July, 2009 on the now defunct Goddess Live blog of the Z. Budapest’s Susan B. Anthony Coven Number One where I was once a member of. I have long since left that “coven” but some of the writings and contributions I offered I’m finding in my files and many are worth re-sharing here. This is one of them.


“Magick and Wisdom are the gifts of the Goddess. To uncover “truth” one must continue to uncover, discover and search for the hidden, the forgotten, the lost and the unknown to become known. Leave no stone unturned, no question unasked, leave no book unresearched or unwritten.  Always challenge earthly authority on matters they claim to hold answers to of the unknown. Diligently search and study and you will find truths that you seek. Understand that  when you find answers that satisfy you that other people will not always be willing to listen or accept them because it’s simply just too much for them to comprehend.  This is why it is hidden and only revealed to those worthy enough to seek it out, who search with all their hearts to discover this mystery.”  Thus began the words of the High Priestess to me, in the place where time doesn’t exist, in the world of dreams.

It’s said that when the High Priestess shows up in a reading, that it’s best to pay close attention to your dreams and intuition. What about when She shows up in your dreams?

Last night, for hours I worked with the Tarot, shuffling them, admiring them, laying out various spreads trying to see which one would call out to me.  I put them away after I became a little frustrated that nothing jumped out or tried to speak to me.  At least not while I was awake anyway.

On my nightly sojourn into the land of infinite possibilities, another dimension where time doesn’t exist, in the dream-consciousness realm of spiritual existence is where I received the message that I craved. Not  as something cryptic or having to decipher but rather face to face and personal with the High Priestess herself. She called for my audience and I had no choice but to oblige.  I was receiving my message but not in the way that I had originally expected. My desire to have a card jump out at me like a flash of lightening or to be able to feel it like the thunder that rolls across the sky was  not to happen. The High Priestess refused to get louder than the external and internal noise I allowed myself to be immersed in. She had something for me but for what she was about to say, she needed all of my attention. When I fell into deep sleep and entered into my dreamscape,  I ended up right in the place I was meant to be … before the High Priestess.

In utter awe I stood before Her, amazed at where I was. I was in the Sacred Temple and She was seated before me, in between the darkness and the light, between the pillars of Boaz and Jachim, the pillars of mercy and severity.  She sat patiently watching me staring at the veil of Persephone, of great mystery behind Her, knowing that deep down inside, I yearned to know what was beyond it although I knew those whom She found worthy could pass beyond it. I gazed upon the crown of Isis and I am spellbound.  I saw the moon of Artemis under her feet and although I could feel it’s magnetic power drawing me near, I didn’t dare reach out and touch it. Her white flowing robes were so white they appeared to be instead blue.  My eyes met Her gaze and in that moment all of my senses were filled with an indescribable knowing.  The High Priestess, in the flesh is beyond all earthly ideas of beauty, power and infinite wisdom.  Just simply standing in Her presence where Her aura encapsulated the temple space, I know I have been touched and will never be the same again. The words of wisdom she imparted upon me there solidified that realization indefinitely. I will grow, change, evolve and transform yes, and therefore I will never be the same again.

I gave the High Priestess my full attention as she went on. “Realize this, that for all of your hard work and your tireless efforts to uncover such truths, the one truth you will find is that in the end, you will have learned a little more than nothing. This is because my truth is eternal and never ending.  My truth is everywhere and yet it is in no one place. It never has been.”

I felt her words and I thought I understood.  For everything we think we know in this world we are hardly even scratching the surface of all that there is to know and all that there is to know is not necessarily for us to know in this lifetime.  But she was not finished and she went on.

“All of your learning has come to you in many forms, through pleasures of the flesh, of the mind and of the soul and equally in your trials, tribulations, losses and sufferings. You must remember as you are going through this life that these things are merely experiences and in the darkest and painful of times as well the most blissful and happiest of all experiences. Those too will pass.  However, what remains with you, the lessons you have learned  you will take with you from this world into the beyond this veil. This veil is the realm of the unconscious, of the spirit, the source. You will pass through this veil when you are initiated into the final earthly mystery but not before. ”

At that moment I realized that the veil behind her was the veil, of transformation and regeneration. Only through Her, as She was the  middle pillar of the Tree of Life,  could we be birthed beyond the veil, into the final initiation; to know the deepest of all secrets stored away into the unconscious, the Goddess mind; to know, understand and experience death in it’s highest form.  The only way to experience death is through birth and experiencing life. Our physical birth through the loins of a female is purely symbolic of the greater mystery that lies beyond.  I think for second I began to understand the obsession the Ancient Egyptians had with life beyond and therefore lived whole lives concerned with what was after. In those same moments, old ideas, beliefs and ideas of what I thought I knew, and understood were slain. They began to shatter before me, crumble and fall into complete ruin that was only swept way with new understanding.  As this new understanding washed over me, I began to hear her speaking again.

“The book that sits upon my lap, the Tora is a book of the laws of the Universe, the laws of creation, the laws of nature and of spirit. Within these pages is everything that ever was, is now and anything that will ever be is here. Although your name is in it, as your mother before you and her mother before her this book is not for you or any other mortal being to hold in your hands. Nor is it one that is passed down or inherited but rather it is one that is felt, intuited, acknowledged and recognized because this book is within. As a divine and sacred child of the Universe, your job is to live, experience all things and through that to learn as much as you can while you are here.”

I realized that I was in fact dreaming lucidly.  I looked around and I thought Ok, so any moment now I’m going to hear Mufasa from the “Lion King” say to Simba from the heavens in that unmistakable voice that is only James Earl Jones, “Simbaaaah, Remember who you are…..Rememberrrrr” but alas, nothing. I looked around the temple space thinking the High Priestess would not be there now that I was in a lucid dreaming state but she was still there too. I turned away and I thought to myself “This is only a dream and she’s saying just want I think she would say or perhaps what I want her to say” and then as though she were reading my thoughts she said “You can not will the Gods to tell you anything that isn’t meant for you to know, Nor can you can not stop the Gods from doing anything they wish to do. It is  only vanity of the human condition would think otherwise.”

I turned around, almost afraid to look at her but when I did she was softly smiling. I began to hear the sound of rain coming down as she began to speak once more. She said “Never stop seeking, never stop searching and never stop asking questions. It’s been written “Seek and Ye shall find”, it is no less truer right now in your own life time. Remember that when you think you have found the answer you are looking for it is in that moment that you must go back and question again and dig deeper because I assure you there is more to be found. The lessons are not in the answers found but in the experience of finding them.”

Then I could hear nothing but only the sound of the pouring rain. I opened my eyes and turned to look out the window and watched the rain come down going over what I just experienced. I grabbed a journal to write it all down and then I decided to complete the ritual process of change–because I know this experience has undoubtedly begun my metamorphosis, my spiritual evolution–to go and stand outside in the rain. In my pj’s and all, I went out into my back yard, stood by the rose bush and just let the rain wash over and cleanse my being 3 fold, mentally, spiritually and physically.

What exactly this change and transformation means for me specifically, I do not know but I know I can not turn back now.