The word Heal is defined as:
1.to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment.
2.to bring to an end or conclusion, as conflicts between people or groups, usually with the strong implication of restoring former amity; settle; reconcile: They tried to heal the rift between them but were unsuccessful.
3.to free from evil; cleanse; purify: to heal the soul.
Lesson One: Breakthrough and Healing
Healing has been the journey of my soul in 2012 on many levels. The more I released, the more I healed and the more I learned about myself and about the mysteries of life.
I had prepared for it since Samhain 2011 when I called forth my Shadow Sister at the time of our annual Samhain Rites. Although I sought to consciously release many things and deal with issues that I’d been carrying around for years, I had no idea of the immense power of that which I was calling forth.
To prepare for the rites, we created masks to represent our shadows. The creation of the masks themselves were a ritual in and of themselves. We took our time with them, beginning weeks before the actual date of the rite. We got together at different times in the weeks leading up to the big day.
To really own these masks and what they represented for us individually, we decided no store bought mask would do. We wanted them to fit our face as our shadow is an individual as we are. We used Plaster of Paris wraps and Vaseline against our skin. Over the course of this month, we had several discussion about the so-called darker aspects of ourselves, how to recognize them, what they were and how we would represent them on our masks. This really helped with getting in-touch to those parts of self and enabled us to move on to the next part.
We wrote letters to our Shadows. Each one of us wrote our own letters to be read at the time of ritual, around a sacred circle and fire. And in the company of one another, we called them forth and acknowledged them. We asked that the shadows become our allies and dark teachers that would not break chains that bound us but rather that they be transformed into the knowledge that would empower us along our path. We then took our own mask from the sacred altar and wore it in circle until each had finished.
It was immensely powerful.
For me personally, it’s clear that there was so much more lurking beneath the surface than I ever imagined. And all of that just kept coming up, process after process into finally erupting into the big major emotional tsunami I had this past February.
I can’t articulate properly how I feel about all of the events that led up to that point. It’s indescribable really. The comments I have received on that particular post, (“My Suicide Circus”) and in my personal email of love and support have amazed me too and even reminded me what a seriously bad-ass warrior I really am.
It’s true, I did descend into my own darkness, into my own hell and face the shadows that held my soul captive. I faced those things –and they were some of the most difficult things I’ve ever faced–alone. Alone is the only way to face ones shadows.
After I shared that part of my journey to healing, to freedom, I believe it went over some people’s head. As I stated in that post, some would say they have been where I was, that they have walked in my shoes but the truth is, while our journeys are similar, each journey is indeed very individual.
Our journeys belong to only us and us alone.
It was interesting the advice I received as if my posting was a request for help or a signal that I was breaking down and needed some kind of emotional rescue. No, that was the furthest thing from the case.
I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I was feeling everything that I was supposed to feel. Was it utter hell?
Fuck yeah it was.
But was it necessary? Yes it was. I needed to see all the power I never recognized I had and that I let be taken away from me as a young woman, mother and wife. I needed to acknowledge that there was no one else to blame and own it so that I could move on.
I received emails and messages from women who totally got what I was saying and then I received messages from women who clearly didn’t have a clue. I even received messages from women who tried to encourage me to ‘hang on’ and remind me that I was a good and strong and yadda, yadda, yadda…
Big Deep Sigh
I wondered whose post they read that they felt I needed their encouraging words and reminders that I was in fact worthy and don’t-be-so-hard-on-myself kind of thing because clearly, it wasn’t mine they read. Looking back I suppose they really did have the best of intentions.
That first week and the days in between I experienced one hell of an awakening on so many levels. Since then so much has been purged, released and the universe as it is, is not a vacuum and has been replacing what I released with such astonishing wisdom I can’t even begin to explain here lest I sound ‘crazy’ to the unprepared mind.
I’ve had mystical experiences one after the other, traversing the boundaries of multi-verse realities. Those who walk a mystical path will surely know what I mean. Those who do not will be those will be the ones who think me crazy. Interesting isn’t it? That when we don’t understand something or someone, it’s the other person’s fault. They’re the ones crazy, weird or strange–not that we just lack the understanding.
Having said that doesn’t mean I know something others don’t. What it means is that I understand things that others may not yet until their own consciousness expand and are able to have another layer of the mystery peeled back and revealed to them. So explanation is pointless.
It’s been said secrets can be told, but mysteries MUST be experienced. This is one of those mysteries. I know that the universe has shown me what I needed to know in my life to this point and I’m good with that.
Because of that breakthrough that I experienced, those dead dreams have been set free to manifest into something completely different. Some of those dreams remained and have been given new life again. It’s such a nice and wonderful feeling to understand that nothing truly dies, nothing is wasted like I once thought.
The journey never ends. It only changes direction.
And also because of that experience and everything that led up to that experience and after, my entire life focus has changed completely.
I now have direction where I really actually had none. I now know what it is I wanted to do with the rest of my life where before I was scared and wondered what could I do.
Now I ask myself, what can’t I do?!
I can do anything I want to. Nothing is impossible here; if it follows the laws of nature then there is nothing, and I mean nothing I can’t do.
Lesson Two: Self Limiting Beliefs & Magical Awareness
I joked with a friend the other day that if I wanted to meet a very famous, super sexy celebrity and hook up, I could do that too. One acquaintance decided that I might be far-reaching, perhaps even a little delusional.
What she was really saying is that she would never dream of the possibility of something like that happening for her so therefore no one else should dream of something like that either. Thankfully, I’m smart enough to understand that her comment meant to discourage me from my view point is really her issue entirely, not mine. And it certainly never discouraged me!
Having said all that, the purpose of using a famous celebrity for an example is really quite simple:
We are always denying our own dreams. We tell our children “Reach for the Stars” but then we give them a limit to which they can reach. We say, “You can do anything you put your minds to do” and at the same time we tell them, “Except that”. We continuously do the same thing to ourselves. We do it so much we don’t even know that we are doing it.
At that moment we kill the spark of fire that motivates us, that empowers us and totally feeds our desire to chase, follow and manifest and capture that dream.
So why again the celebrity example?
Simple. Because it’s the easiest thing to relate to at the moment for me in my life having three teenage girls who are crushing hard on their favorite Japanese Rock stars and who say the things that many of us have said when we’ve had our own celebrity crushes back-in-the-day, or even now– “He’s mine. I’m gonna marry him one day.”
Yes, we laugh, we shake our head as if we know some sort of secret that they don’t. Often we even tell them, “OK, kid, dream on. You and ten million other young ladies” thinking we are doing them a favor by keeping them ‘grounded’ in this so-called reality. We never stop to think about how what we are really doing is telling them that dreams aren’t possible to achieve, we only say they are but we don’t really meant it.
Sure, the chances are it is a child-teen crush and that is a healthy and normal part of development but telling them it can’t really happen is in a very real way encouraging them not to believe in the power of their dreams later in life.
Laws of Nature
Celebrities are real people. They live here on earth. Sure they are in the movies, rock stars etc..and live in different places sometimes but the fact is, they are here in this world. And it is my thinking that if they are here in this world, then the possibility of a young girls dream of meeting one, falling in love and marrying them is real too.
We are talking about the fact that the possibility exists. This is the key word here.
The possibility of our beloved daughters meeting their dream crushes exists.There is nothing to stop it. Only the beliefs and attitudes that tell us we can’t are what stop us.
“If you can dream it, you can achieve it”– Walt Disney
I’m sure people thought Walt was crazy. But look what he achieved. Or Steve Jobs even.
So I ask myself , Why Not Me? Do you ask yourself, Why Not You?
I was watching my daughters goo-goo and gaah over their young, sexy J-Rockers and how much fun they (the rockers) were having in their private fan videos and a thought occurred to me,
“Look how much fun they are having living their dream. Why do we not all live our dreams? Why do we not all, as Joseph Campbell said, ‘Follow our bliss’?
Again, that’s simple to answer too. It’s because we tell ourselves we can not. We make up excuses and accept the lies that society, that culture, and even our parents tell us because their parents told them the same and so forth down the line all believing this multi-generational lie.
Yet at the same time, all around us are people, books, television, magazines and gurus telling us, “Go ahead! Co-create with the Universe! Live the Life you’ve always wanted!” Many people pay hundreds if not thousands of dollars going to self-help workshops, conferences and speaking events; taking classes, courses and anything else they hope might give them an edge in life and yet, they get a little further than no where. We are constantly encouraged to be all we can be and that we can do it while simultaneously being told over and over again that we can not. And although we’ll keep spending money taking classes, buying the latest self-help/spiritual book, or going to yet another empowerment workshop, it’s often the latter that we believe.
I’m tired of that.
I see it for what it is. The mind is reality plain and simple. The universe is one big ginormous energy playground of endless potential available to all of us to jump in and start creating what we want.
If it follows the natural laws of the Universe then the possibility of whatever we want to exist. It can happen.
Will it happen is another story all together. Obviously its more than just saying and believing whatever you desire and dream is simply just going to happen. It’s not enough to dream them or dream big. We must put action behind them to bring them to life. But even before we can do that , we must first accept that whatever we can dream up, big or small, no matter how impossible it might seem CAN happen!! Once we do that, then we can take action and when we begin to take action we then move from a place of dreaming to bringing into our present reality.
Magic is as real as the air we breathe. Even if you don’t believe doesn’t stop magic from being real. Not believing only hinders you from achieving your dreams and receiving miracles. That’s not to say you’ll never achieve your goals or dreams or receive a miracle if you don’t believe. You’ll just have to work a little harder than the rest of us.
Love is Beautiful, Love is Truth,